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DO NOT HURRY, TEN THOUSAND YEARS, BROTHERS and SISTERS, STUDY HISTORY please
By: Vuong Van Nguyen
Copy Right 2009
Do not hurry, do not hurry. Ten thousand years, ten thousand years; brothers and sister; "study Vietnamese history please. The love of my people, the love of my people one thousand miles I continue to walk. Story of my people, story of my people, story of hell, story of hell, story of heaven, story of heaven; then the story of life itself, itself.
Nine years of flowers frozen in time, nine years of flowers frozen in time, do you know when, do you know when, what time, what time, is it time to go home?
For there is no amount of time to study ten thousand years of history. And to study and benefit from it is what I consider your achievement.
The study of an ancient race is what I consider a task for all races to study their own ancient history is for all walks of life. If you do not know your own history, what can you learn if you do not even understand or know your ancestors mistakes. To re-examine and not to continue making the same mistakes as those of past history. That is why history is very important.
I should know, I been studying history of all races of the color of the rainbow for a very long time. And I am continue to be amazed as to what I keep on learning about ancient history.
If you believe in something, believe me work hard for it because I am Vietnamese; I am not going to sit here and lie to you.
I do not know if it's a game of money, anymore, but it's life, and I do know we all need money. But it is definitely how we choose to use the money which will help determine the future of our families.
I have come to realize I must be able to help care for myself before I can be able to care for others. And it should not be that difficult, I need to open my own eyes. Which is why I flushed my old glasses down the toliet. So I can take the log (a wooden thin thick stick) out of my own eyes, ("quoted somewhere in the Holy Bible). And see a little bit clearer. And maybe I am able to see the spick in your eyes and clear it.
My first family is who I grow up with, which have sent me money from three state, " (Texas, Wisconsin,and California.) I owe them so much. Which is why I keep on pushing forward. They help me through thick and thin, to this day, no matter what wrong they ever done to me, will never ever matter. Because my love is eternal for them.
My second family, I am not going to sit here and lie to you, Californians is definitely my second family. If I am going to believe in something, I am willing to sit here all these years and work hard for it. I have so many goals and dreams which seem so radically impossible, but I am amongst the living; and the living; all things are possible.
What have I done to contribute to the California Dream and to the world? Well I am still working over a decade for it, which my friends in California have contributed so much. Which is why I keep on pushing forward, for they believe in me and I believed in them. Without them it would be definitely difficult for me to accomplish anything.
"And I am Vietnamese", I have been drawing, painting, and writing for over a decade. And hopefully someone will recognize my contribution to humanity. I do know if I continue to push even harder sooner or later the ice is going to break. I feel as I am dead. I know that alived people do not smell like me, for I do not smell so great.
I do know if my friends keep on selling my writings or books, my message will get across the world. Sooner or later someone is bound to listen. And hopefully my message will get to all the correct direction. And hopefully my friends will never ever have to worry about rent or putting food on the table ever again, plus (+, opposed of minus) they need to also help families out. They have responsibilities also. I am kind of ashame for writing my burdens down on books for they are the ones who are editing my works. I am afraid I am passing my own burdens down on them. And there is no reason for them to even have or think about burdens. For life is too short for too much worry. But my life I am choosing my own destiny and routes, every single day as I crave this landscape.
Hopefully with my my drawings and paintings, I will be able to open Californians eyes. For I have been working day and night to drawing and painting so much artwork. I do know in order to get something done correctly, you got to wake up and do it yourself, but luckily I have help from friends. Whom love me unconditionally. I do not understand the correct words to say to them sometimes. But hopefully my works will speak louder then words, for my friend tells me I am a man amongst many men. To this I still remember his words, for his words are carefully choosen like knives that have carved an apple.
Yes, I am human and I do make mistakes, not just a single mistake, but very many mistakes. Which I am still paying to this day, which is why I owe so much to Californians. For this is the greatest state which I have ever lived in. For no other state is as forgiving as this state, some people just do not realize how many chances this state has and continues to give to its own citizens. Trust me I am a prisoner and I continue to learn the difficult way.
All the flowers and roses which I have drawn for a decade, is like all the pain which my ten thousand years of heritage have passed down to me. Don't get me wrong, it's not a burden, it's a lesson for me to learn and get up and fight for what I believe, for no one else is willing to fight for what I believe in. I have understand, what is the point of helping them fight, for what they may not believed in. For I should realized some people really do enjoy being in prison.
For I used my hardship for advantages, for life is too short to not fight with my pens. I will continue to fight daily as opportunity arises. Opportunity will cease to arise after you're dead.
Somehow I must learn how to follow the rules of life. Especially Californian laws, for this is the stae which I have definitely grow up in. But I will definitely voice my own opinions and what laws I think should be alter. Because if an old system is broken it must be change to accommodate 21st century rules of engagements.
I believed that California are filled with millions of smart and educated people of all races of nationalities. I believed California is the state that will take America into the 21st century. I am going to remind you I am one person and I will make a difference in California and the rest of the world. And if you help me make a stand, we will be two stronger than one. Then as days pass by, we will stand a million stronger than one. Months, years, and decades will pass and dreams will eventually become reality.
To The Audiences, Fans, & Readers
If you enjoy this writing, that's good. If it helps you out, that's excellent.
The writer hopes to encourage the audiences, fans, and readers. Moreover, when the audiences, fans, or readers benefit from this book, the author shall be glad.
The writer thanks all. To continue writing for a better world and to improve humanity, the author accepts donation in the form of a money order or check send to the address below:
Vuong Van Nguyen K-86302
A-340 CMF
P.O. Box 2000
Vacaville, CA 95695-2000
You can also contact the author in writing to the same address above. Thank you and may your days be bless.
Of course we are Californians, because Californians have big dreams, which by all means we will eventually accomplish. No dream will ever be too difficult for Californians to achieve. My dreams are not just one or two dreams, but they are dreams in the making of many dreams. The longer my years, days, etc... the more I will accomplish. No task I believe will be impossible for anyone person to achieve. The things we do for improving California is the things we must do each day as each month passes by. To be a true Californian you must not turn your back on honest Californians. Back you must be a very good judge of Character, for there will be dishonest and sharp minded Californians that will do almost anything to take whatever you have or may belong to you. Sometimes they just want to take what's in your head, knowledge is the most lethal weapon of all. But there is a problem with my knowledge you may have to read it or see it. And there is no amount which I can not produce, where ever I may have paper, pen, or paint brushes with paint; I can continue to produce creative products.
Where do I begin, there is no beginning to the story of Californians and the struggles we shared. We now have become stronger then ever bfore, our ideas, goals, dreams, helping each other out is starting to take shape. If we can not take good care of fellow Californians, how can we take care of anyone else in the world. I do not mean to tell you sell everything you have and help Californians. What I ask is take small step into becoming a productive Californian. It can be just words of exchange for encouragement, but these words can become very effective. Saying good morning, just good morning may brighten a person spirit up. I understand it's difficult to do these small things but we Californians must start somew(here).
The author also has another website GalaxyBooks.Weebly.Com
WAYS TO IMPROVE THE HUMAN RACE ON PLANET EARTH is being released.
I do not think it matters if you are an illegal immigrant or legal immigrant to Californian. As long as you are helping this state become more efficient, I do not see why you are not consider a Californian. In my records you are a Californian, you are helping fellow Californians live better lives. I thank you dearly so much, for opening my own eyes and see that I am an illegal immigrant, but determined to help California out. So I must be luckily welcome to this great state called California.
It just seems as I understand why my people as in heritage suffer so much. Ten thousand years of Vietnamese history, no telling how many wars, battles, and fights my people lost and won. Beside my heritage my people is Californians and every single person in the world. Even the worst person has somewhere someplace inside them a decent heart. But how to get at it is the difficult part. I understand it is very hard to believe me and trust my words, for I am only a convicted criminal, but even criminals should be consider intellectuals.
A normal simpleminded person would look at 1+1=2, but I see it equals 11, which is eleven. I just think and is wired to do equations in my own ways. Mathematics help me cope with looks of problems which needs solutions in my life time.
Lets say "Example".
Invention: August 07, 2009
Motion producEes energy
So when the fan moves it is actually producing new energy which recharges up the batteries for the fan to continue to rotate.
(refer to original drawing)
I have no children, but I have very many nephews and nieces and I am luckily consider uncle to them. I would like to be alive when they shared with their achievements, goals, dreams, hopes, and etc... It will be an honor to be involved in their lives. My own life is very, very busy; it just seems I have very little time to even relax.
Get real no matter what race you! We all have burdens. The human ancestors are our legacy. But it is up to us to figure out actually who our genealogy time line is, and history shapes our different cultures. I am telling you it's not simple being Vietnamese, being Vietnamese means I have lots of responsibilities. Including being a decent and open minded person.
At times I get really frustrated when people hear me out, but think I am delusional. At least they heard me out, but in the long run I may yet get them to understand me, if life lets it be. No telling what life can offer, so many opportunities which each person must not let it slip by. Because once it slips by, you may be very unlucky and never get another opportunity like that ever again. That is why I keep my mind and open my eyes, for not telling what today may bring. I do have a sense of purpose when you give it your all each day! When things get tough you just have to adapt and adjust to difficult circumstances. Life is not always fair, but we are all playing this game of life. And there are losers and winners. But there are so many definitions as being a winner. In my books (as my mental compassities) a winner is a person who lived a well and respectful life as he or she sees fit. I know it's not simple understanding my words of usage but I make it best suitable. When you live your life and gone thousand or hundreds of thousands of extra miles, you have lived to its fullest. Which I respect you dearly for doing, it's not simple for people to do this. Especially when a person like myself have lived a short thirtyone years of life and have been in poverty for thirtyone years with very little income, but with much love from family, somehow luckily manage on producing products after products. And sharing my knowledge in art have become one of my greatest achievements.
When a person purchase my books or artworks, believe me I feel lots of joy. Just knowing someone may benefit from reading my books, hopefully it open their minds up for new possibilities. And the art which I produce hopefully it will open their eyes to appreciate artwork more.
It even took me longer to truly understand that all people want to be heard, respected, understood, and loved. I do my best to hear what people have to say that's how I show them consideration. But if they talk nonesense, I usually walk away, I do not have time for bullshit. I respect people by showing them I have good manners. Understanding them is the hard part.
I am not going to lie to you, I do not understand every person I encounter. But I do get a really good understanding about what that individual is all about.
People tend to see me the wrong way, sometimes most of the time I act like I do not know much. Because most of the company that is around me do not like to hear about preaching about getting a better life in the streets. Especially most of the people I hang around with is lifers. Man! They are very piss off at the laws of California. So I also act myself when I understand the company I am around wishes to know a little bit more about life. That's only if he is interested that's only when I intend to open my mouth.
Understanding how people are and how they work is or may be a very complex question. But luckily modern age have books that explain what our ancestors were like in ancient histories. That is how we are going to learn about how people act and how people tick. Man people, I mean each individual is a very complex creature. What makes each person tick maybe our very own will power to achieve greater task that each individual have set out for himself or herself. Achievements maybe very difficult to achieve unless a person has already achieved the same task over and over again. Which will make the same achievable task a bit simpler.
Yes it is a headache learning about your peoples history, but let me tell you it will be worth it. It is better to know about your ancestors then not to. It's better to understand the hardship your ancestors went through. Then you may learn how to appreciate life and the meaning of life more. Which life has lots of good meaning to live up to. It may be very difficult to live up to your ancestors code of conduct, but it surely isn't impossible to held it up.
You can talk about your ancestors if you like, yes our ancestors would done somethings which is not humane, but we learn to become humane as the centuries keep on rolling forward. Yes our ancestors did lot of wrong things, but we are learning not to accept the terrible behaviors of conduct. We choose our laws in America, our laws doesn't choose us. The majorities usually rule, there is less success for minorities. But with hard work and determination, even the minorities have a shot at things in the United States of America.
I do not truly understand how is it even possible for this country to owe so much money. Is it our own lust of spending and spending, or is it just that Americans are losing our ways? American lose their ways when they open business over seas and give our jobs away to other destination. We Americans need to find our ways in the 21st century. And open business within the Old United States and bring jobs back into America. Americans need to open more trade routes within its own states, to circulate the economy within its own borders. Before we can circulate our economy outside our borders. More export and less import will result in a good surplus. It's bad enough that our U.S. dollar has fallen so dearly, we do not need to loss our health benefit also.
Modern societies do not have to fall like our ancestors societies did. As we learn each day our laws will eventually become better and better. To suit the needs of the people, but when disasters arise people always seem to blame the government. We as people need to look at what we have done to create these terrible laws which we have laid the foundation of human behavior into our own societies.
We as humans need to ask our own selves are these laws and punishment, aren't too harsh on our own citizens and none citizens? Are are these laws simply too cruel and unusually too difficult for today's societies to abide by? Maybe humans are simply not ready for advance laws to be abide by yet. But sooner or later our society must somehow abide the laws in order for society to grow further into the 21st century.
It takes lot of money and hardwork to change ones own countries destiny for the greater good of its people. But this change simple doesn't happen over night, I tell you change can come from all direction. But getting the correct people to change is simply the difficult part. Yes, lots can change, but getting a single minded person to change can take months, if not years.
Having allies can be a game of misfortune, because it can have a very expensive bill. When your allies need help, to keep the alliances close, your nation may have to help fund the cost of whatever is needed.
Allies can have its benefit also, when your nation is under war (attack), your allies may come to the rescue and send their own soldiers to help fight off foreign invaders. Depend on how short or long the war may be, will determine the benefit and momentun of your allies. If the war is long and costly, your alliances may at the end of the war may become very sabbe. But if the war is won quickly your alliance can become a force to be reckon with. Since your countries warfare is much superior then most other countries.
The United States of America is one of the shortest but strongest that ever have existed in such short of a time frame. It simply doesn't mean that we Americans are an alligent race. This is simply not the first time in human history that all groups of people from all different countries are come together and become one nation. But this is definitely the first time that such a large group of diverse people have come together as a nation. It doesn't make our nation weaker, but the opposite; it makes us more united and stronger. The problem is those who are simply too selfish, meaning only want to educate themselves and their own blood line; they are the ones who needs to get real. Because this is one big nation, not someone's play island. So get with the program or simply get out of this freaken land. It's better to help provide for your family and also help this nation grow, or educate fellow American citizens or none American citizens. We all came to this great nation for better lives as citizens or none citizens.
Believe me I am not a citizen of this great country called the good old U.S.A. But I have learn to called this land my home. And I am also responsible to help educate its people as it is also my people.
I sometimes don't understand my own thinking, this country sentenced me 21 years in state prison; and I done over one decade. And somehow am I suppose to hate this land, but opposite is I am growing stronger for the love of this land. It is the only true land I only know in actual reality.
I also learn that this land America has lot of good people, it's just understanding to be kind and keep good company. And to stay away from those who wish to do you harm, but unfortunately in life it's a 50/50; meaning life can have disaster at any moment. But it will become 25/75 75% better when you done your study. And an increase of 25% to equal 75% of things that are bad will not happen. Be educated and the survival chances will increase. No matter if on the road or at war, education will determine the chances of survival. I don't know exactly why but I love the people of this country. We work very hard, but we tend to play even harder. Which is why there is no other country on Earth that is consider like the United States of America. Even in prison there are good fellow prisoners, that will not think twice when given you a helping hand. Because they understand that some people just got to this penitentary and do actually need advice or a helping hand. We are Americans we do or are actually responsible to help fellow mankind in a respectable manner. And in the process not to get or even get into the position of getting used. Especially when your 30 or more years of age, you must have a very clear understanding of your help abilities. And to at least 99.99% of the time to never ever get used. I do know that I have been educating myself enough to the point that only .01111111 percent of the time I am slipping and may be unlucky and get used. But it will be very difficult to use me, since my mind is being mentally develope as each second of the day passes by. I do not take anything for granted anymore since I only have one shot at life to make the biggest splash I can create.
I never understood how truly difficult it is to become educated, until I started to create things to educate others. No one can ever steal or take my mental creative knowledge sharing abilities. Except if I choose not to share my creative ability. That would be a shame and definitely a sad story to share with the great people of the United States of America.
When your nation look out for a weaker nation too often, they become too dependent on your nation. Which it is wise not to feed them like children, for children never understand when it is enough; they just want more and more. Which it's wise not to over help other nation; but by all means it's better to help them when the nation has an emergency; like a natural disaster. But never help nations that can help themselves, for they will curse you and take your kindness for weakness. Do not get me wrong it is good that our nation reach out to give helping hands, but there are nations that will cut off the hands that have fed them. Which it is wise to stay a distance away from independent nations. For if the United States keeps on testing North Koreans attitudes about long ranged blistic missiles, get real United States of America; you isn't suppose to preach what you do not intend to do or change your own selfish behaviors.
The North Koreans are a very intellectual race, they aren't stupid you know. They understand the destructive devices which are known in the world. They do not wish to blow up the world, for they also live in it also. And Asians value family very much, which is why they have not detinate any nuclear bomb on any other nation. The United States is the only known country in history which has detinated this destructive a-bomb. And all nations must understand clearly in this 21st century that this is a de-valueing way and inhumane and massircur behavior towards any nation if it ever happen ever again.
We have introduce this bomb atom into the world, it is best to be used in space. Not at home especially the only known home called planet Earth which we only have explore. By all means use it in space if you wish, but it also has consequences when ever a destructive device is used.
As we know in the 21st century children as people are getting more educated quicker then any other generation known in the history of planet Earth. So it is wise to keep all not just one destructive device very very secure.
For if we humans on planet Earth waits too long, to lay secure mechanisms to our weapons. I am afraid to explain that it is our own flaws as humans. That have cause the destructive behaviors of few people or even nations amongst nations to war with each other.
I do not truly understand, it's the 21st century, why are we humans still warring with other nations upon nations. The human race, I myself expect it to be sharper by now; with all the books and knowledge throughout the computer age. Humans should know better, but unfortunately some societies can not afford textbooks or computer or even good teachers to teach them lifes valuable lessons.
I know I was not educated enough or else I would have never been convicted for attempted murder 2nd degree for 21 years. Which I am paying every single day dearly. Even if I was educated I would not for all the wealth in the world change what has been destined by my own choices which I have chosen. For I would not have understand and my true character would never have develope if I was never charge with this unlawful act. So I do count my misfortune as a blessing in disguidge. Never take your misfortune for granted, grow and learn never to accomplish the misdeed ever again. But sometimes you may be face with making a terrible decision. But at least this time you will have time to analyze and re-analyze the situation. If you had to kill 10 innocent people to save 100 innocent people. The choices is yours, sometimes you may have to do an evil to do a good. Would you rather have 100 innocent lives dead by your slow choices or you do life in prison or face the death penalty to wipe out ten lives. Or you just sit there and watch one hundred and ten lives go to the gutters.
For I am very quick at this, just send me on my way to the death penalty, for I value peoples lives, for I will have to kill ten innocent lives in order for one hundred innocent lives to live on. You can curse me out all you want for murdering, but at the end of my journey I would never change the choices which have been chosen.
How can you say that your God or Gods or not believing is what I must follow your religion. This is the greatest century that has ever existed, and I appreciate this country for I have choices to believe in any religion, Gods, God, Heaven, or Hell, or even not to believe. No person or group of people can 100% say that God, or Gods, or no God exist. For the impossible is what humans are living in this wonder 21st century. The impossible is God exists. We humans are living in the impossible which is become possible in the 21st century. So any mathematical equations may be reality. For math is even infinitive. And any veriable combination can exist. So you can never rule out any impossible possibilities. For this is the greatest choices that shape human culture and good or destructive behaviors. But get real in the 21st century if books of belief teaches you to kill other people because of what you believe in. You should throw or re-educate your race not to devalue human lives. Especially in modern time. For no religion should ever be carry out by its believers to commit murder to advance its own societies. For what give your nation the right to believe in the killing of innocent lives for no good reason.
Teach the religious text, but be absolutely sure you get your pont across which is re-stated and stated, you have no right to kill for no good reason, unless it is to preserve the survival of the many; when there is absolutely no other choices to be made.
But do not get me wrong, you may have to kill the many to preserve the few. But this may have to be explained in more detail. Because a simple minded person would see this as terribly wrong in mathematicually formulated formulas. But let me explain that this can be very very hard to discuss. To kill one hundred inocent lives to save one life. By all means I am not saying tha my life is value or is even worth a penny. "I am talking about one life like Albert Enstien, which have impacted millions if not billions of human lives. So the choice is yours to never ever have a brilliant mind for eons like Estien or kill one hundred lives to save Estiens life. This is a very tough question to answer. Any choice you choose is still making a good deed, but be very careful for a mind of great geniuses may never ever exist ever again. But like mathematics the impossible is bound to happen over and over again. But the problem is how many more eons will highly intellectual minds in the universes will have to endure in the space of the universes again. For the answer to that question may bound to have solutions. But where there is a solution many more questions will arise from the ashes.
For I can not even come to a correct conclusion on August 08, 2009 at approximately 10pm, that God or Gods or no God exist. Since I understand that mathematicually the impossible is possible. At this day and from now on I can not say that God exist or he/she doesn't. But I am still an atheist. The choice of being an atheist is mine no one else chose it for me. It is my own choosing. I am definately not saying my choice is right. As far as I understand I may be well on my way to hell. But life let it be, my own choices determine my future. For I do not worry too much about the future. I worry about what I must do today to have the biggest impact tomorrow. It's not simple living day to day, but someone has to do it. And I am willing to live each day as it is my last. For I understand what I leave back before I die, may one day benefit billions of human lives. I would not change a thing that I have contributed to advance human appreciation, even if I am offer my own freedom. For freedom is not worth what I can and will share with humanity. For now I understand that knowledge and to create knowledge is not a gift, but a responsibility that if you are able to create. You are responsible to share every single thing you can create with those who seek wisdom and knowledge for better understanding of human behaviors or human existence. Untold knowledge is within the hands of those who are able to keep on creating, for there is no limit to what a true creative person can and will achieve. All it takes is mental hard work with less play and determination which will break boundaries within boundaries.
In ancient times, yes there was cures for diseases, but the cures were not as effective as modern time. Science and medication have advance so rapidly, that there is cures for at least 75% of all known diseases. Which makes this the most advance century. But on the rise are man made viruses which are becoming so deadly that if a single strind were lose, it can possibly wipe out 95% of all living organism. There is all kinds of reason why government and regular labortory even deals with such deadly production of viruses. But I will say that there is no good reason to even introduce such deadly strinds until it naturally exist in modern time. Humans are already have enough natural viruses to deal with on hand, we do not need no more. There will always be people who misuse the advancements of sciences for the evil, but those who use it for evil also lay a mark on history, in a bad way. So evil or good, both sides of the same coin can make a big mark on the pages of history.
That's where the yen & yang comes in, balance between good and evil in the world. But let me tell you it is bullshit. The yen and yang do not have to balance out for the world to exist. Good can prevail over evil and evil can prevail over good and the world can still come to terms and exist. In other words if evil prevails in the world. Those who are evil with knowledge and understanding that there is no gain to cause the destruction of life on Earth. They will simply not wipe out life, for they do not wish to perish and are truly not dumb to press the hundred super atom bombs. For the evil ones are too sharp for this, that is why it is a good reason to also have a little bit of evil in people. So we will not go awall! Because too much good in a person can make a person weak. Meaning good as in goody too shoe leaders may decide to press the a-bomb button just because it is the right thing to do. So be very careful of those who you put into power, for too much power can cloud any sane persons mind.
I am not saying being a good person is a wrong thing. What I am saying is those who are too good that are in power maybe the wrong thing. For excellent leaders do not make bad decisions, as good ones. They make there mark by choosing correct choices in history. Yes it is good thing to be good citizens as long as you do not process the clean or dirty bomb activation codes. As far as I am concern you have the right to be good 99.99% of your entire existence as long as you do not possess the power to declare war on any other nation on this planet called Earth.
For planet Earth is our only known home at the moment. And humans do wish to leave a living legacy towards our future generations.
Those who actually control the world are the one percent wealthy people of the world. For they are the ones who do have the money to wage wars. Meaning they have the money to provide an income to their leaders or military personnel to war with other nations. But war is too costly for a single wealthy person. But it is a shared cheaper cost for a group of wealthy investors who comes together to declare war with other nations for any reason; good or bad reason. Usually people want a good reason before it is consider a just war. But let me tell you, the wall has no curtain for all wars are evil. Especially those who starts wars for military benefits. Especially investors who are planning to sell advance military weapons to unadvance nations. There is simply no justice in that, why not just sell advance weapons at a very reasonable price, so nations can defend themselves. Weapons aren't suppose to be put on the block for auction for weapons will cause many nation to war with each other. For every kid likes to play with new toys. So same with nations who possess new weapons, they also would like to test it out in warfare.
The downfall of great nations are usually nations that think or assume that they are invincible towards any enemy. But those nations fail to realize the greatest enemies are usually those who are within its own nation. Especially leaders that are dividing the United States tables into four or more sections. When this is done a division of groups of leaders is born. And no telling what a division can and will hurt ones nation. For no nation can with stand its own forces warring with each other. For this will bring any nation to its own knees begging please please helt the problem.
The problem with having enemies is your nation is always worrying and is watching its back on all know enemies. It is less worry sum when nations do not wish your nation ill will. But the story of great civilization is that strong nations will usually have many nation or groups of people wishing ill will toward their nations. If ill will is not toward the entire nation, ill will is toward its entire people.
Innocent lives who have never even touch a simi gun or lives who simple do not understand much. All lives are threatened by enemies. Enemies only see that wiping out lives is the only right measures.
So it is best to keep peace with all nation, especially those who have never did your nation wrong. And especially with nations who have the capabilities of wiping out millions of lives with a single bomb. These are the nations you wish you never ever go to war with. For both sides of the coins have destructive capabilities, which will definitely never ever be beneficial to living lives.
Complex societies usually do not forget the needs of their own people. But society in America are starting to lose its American ways. Why can not society help those who can not afford health care for themselves and their love ones?? Health care should be provided free of charge for families who simple can not afford health care payments. Yes I do understand if you were making millions you can afford your own health care coverages. Doctors and those who create new medication are losing their ways in preserving life at all cost. Now a days they just want to make or get the most money out of anyone; poor or wealthy. That is why American societies need to root out these doctors or medicine makers and kick them out of their positions. For they are the cause of divisions amongst honest hard working Americans societies.
People tend to misplace their trust in the hands or untrust worthy people. Because they simply are too blinded or too kind and trustful people who at time will make the same mistakes over and over again and again. For it's not that they are dumb, it's just the opposite, they are just too smart for their own good. These type of people are gamblers and are risk takers, which means they will take risk in trusting in people to accomplish their own agenda's . But I tell you not all agendas are worth your trust, and you should never give your trust away foolishly, unless your very generous and wealthy in many areas in life. For example, if you only have Ten bucks and you trust someone to borrow all ten until a month later. That is simple the most foolish trust you have made. No matter if the trusted person pays you back, you would have nothing to keep you on your feet left; in case of an emergency: You are totally wipe out penniless. That is what I called stupid trust on your own behalf. But if you were wise you would have invested five bucks to make ten bucks in the future. And would loan the friend or just simply give to the friend two bucks. And spend three bucks for your own needs. When you loan people money it can be a headache, it's just better to give to them what you can spare or afford. Never give more then 20% of what you hve or else you will not be able to invest your wealth and be able to give to anyone else.
Do not get me worry, it is definitely good to think about helping others. But in the 21st century it seems like lots of people jsut want to used people and find a quick fix. With the knowledge of the 21st century that is definitely availuable, I do not understand how is it possible for Americans who lives in the United States to not be able to pay their house bills. Is it because Americans are too wasteful and take life in America for granted. Although this countries economy is in ruins, it is still one of the most weathiest country known on Earth.
The United States is the first country in known existence of new drawn age, that produces the most garbage or trash in known history. Man I mean America is the most wasteful producing garbage country in history. Now the China is following our footsteps and are starting to produce lot of waste and are becoming wasteful as like the Americans. That is the problem with the United States, lead by example, and now we can not set good examples as good leaders. Since we reap what we sow, we are paying dearly as the climate and pollution of planet Earth continues to be a big problem in the 21st century. Yes there are solutions but my solutions or ideas are way out like a si-fi movie.
One of my idea for garbage disposal is to send what garbage that can't be recycle on Earth towards the sun to get disposed of or into outer space; for space is definitely better to pollute then one's own limit planet.
Another idea is to build factories on the moon or mar or any other rock on our solar system and produce products. And it is better to pollute the low atmosphere of the moon then to pollute the only suitable liveable atmosphere on our solar system. Yes these ideas or way out blueprint plans are costly. But I tell you it is worth the cost compare to VALUEING HUMAN LIVES. I understand you billionaires don't give much shit about the rest of humanities, but I tell you; when people starts waking up you wealthy people better hope your money can preserve your own lives. For money isn't the problem you are the problem, with your selfish behaviors and narrow mindedness. Always about your own pockets and not understanding that humans are at a crossroads on planet Earth. Get with the program or stay out of my way. For my job is to awake the eyes of all citizens of planet Earth.
For I am destined to share all I know and to help open the minds of humanity. To create machines that will help us advance into the farest distance in all direction of infinite space. For this will be the greatest century of human breakthrough known in human age. For the human race is awaken in the 21st century. Explore and find wealth unimagineable in space, for there is unlimited or untold wealth in space.
Balance and power in the United States of America have truly been swifted and is unbalance and is truly against the poor. Those who have lots of money will continue to afford the best education for their future childrens childrens. And the poor will have less opportunities to get a good leadership positions in office, for it is difficult to pay university funds. For those who simply can not afford it, plus grants programs are getting cut as I speak. Because it simply is against those who's family can not afford to even put meals on their families table, alone pay for education purposes. Life is always against the poor, but I have to admit the United States is the best country that offers so much free or afforable education towards its citizens or none citizens.
The problem with free education is students are not taking full advantages of the free offering. And students are abusing the system because they are not wise enough to make proper decisions. Even when students are wise, they fail to take classes that will offer them a good income along with a good education. Education to me is not about making a good income, it's about learning and able to hold the keys and return the favor, and help educate future generations to come.
Yes, you need money to create textbooks, along with materials to educate people. But without the creative person there will simply be no books to educate the uneducated mass of civilization. We as humans must and is responsible to educate all children we come in contact with, for they are our future leaders of tomorrow. What we may teach them, they may teach the people of the world to hold humanities righteous ways of life and to not be an abusive leader. And please have mercy on us all, if we have failed our children as our future leaders.
If we can not as society afford health care free of charge for our children. Our children as leaders of tomorrow may as well not be able to pay your elderly health care payments. When you are old tomorrow and have not a dime to have a heart surgery and left to rot as you left the children of yesterday to rot. It's a circle of life, what you do to others will circle around and 99.99% will happen to you. As the cirlce went around me for attempted murder and now I am still paying for my criminal misconduct. I didn't say that it's too late for change. It's never too late to change, especially for the betterment of those who are around you. It may take lots of hard work to change for the better, but I tell you to trust me. It's to your advantages to change, because I have change so many **** ways. That in the start of the 21st century, my entire being and mind is more at peace with my own inner self then it has ever been before.
And I understand taking great leaps of change will take days, months, weeks, years, or even decades. But I tell you it will definitely make you a better and more understanding person. Life throws at me the most difficult opponents, it seems like I am always the underdog, but somehow I find my way towards the top of the podeium. I don't ever like to fold the hands that I get delt in life, but somehow or sometime I must pick up my chips and fold and leave. For I am not a fool and am willing not to lose everything I work to accomplish. I am determined to leave this world and to let the world understand that my family left a legacy for future students of all ages to get a bit more educated. Because I and my family do care for humane morals. And my family and I will never fail the human race. For I have invested over 31 years of learning lifes unexpected experiences to help open my fellow homo sapiens minds and hearts. Even if I live sixty nine more years I have little time to waste for I will keep on creating art and new knowledge to share with all intellectual species in the Universe upon Universes. For there is a purpose to my madness.
I also have multiple plans, I know for certain that what ever income I have; I am responsible to invest in the advancements of creative products to advance human lives fo the better. But in order for me to get to the better, I have fully understand what it is to live without. For my entire life I was always dealt 2,3 in Texas Hold Em, but somehow played 2,3 and came out on top.
I do understand that anything is possible because I somehow quit smoking once again, I quit before and started up again and again. But I am learning how to control my stress without nicotine. I now control my stress by drinking lot of coffee. I like the cheap instant coffee which I do not have to wait and just instantly make with hot water, or cold if I chose so. I am not saying I quit smoking for good, but I understand I have to live as long as I possible can to have shared the most potential or creative knowledge that I am capable of. Beside smoking waste creative time, but you must set relax or play time to refresh your mind, or else you may be in overdrive. As meaning you are over loading your mental capable mind.
You need to relax and refresh your creative mind. Do not feel bad when you spoil yourself, as long as you do not over spoil yourself. But let me tell you I over spoil myself with all the coffee I can drink. I am not suppose to do that, but humans we all have our little flaws. And my flaw is coffee, I must say it will definitely be hard to live without coffee. You should see what I do with coffee I hardly ever even waste a drop of Folgers in your cup coffee. I mix Folgers coffee almost in everything I drink or eat. Man, I am not going to sit here and lie to you, I loved this stuff called coffee. Coffee is like my number tenth on my most important thing in life's list. I keep this list mentally in my own mind. For it is definitely embarrassing to share with you. But if you wish I will share.
Ten most important....
I. Family (blood family)
II. Family (Californias, Wisconsins, Texans)
III. United states of America
IV. Vietnam
V. People of the World
VI. Creating new drawings
VII. Creating new paintings
VIII. Creating new books
IX. Designing blue prints for all kinds of stuff.
X. Coffee
XI. < Bonus and is link to the top> Women men's greates gift.
The task of being able to hold on to human morals is indeed a truly great task. For lots of people have devalue human morals and conducts. For whatever know reason, it must not be a good reason to devalue human morals. But new morals of conduct is introduce to humanity all throughout human existence. If old morals are out of date, new morals must be created to be consider good morals in the dawn of the 21st century. For no new century is without new and better morals. This will be the most tested century of the word morals that will ever have morals tested to its own brink of breakage.
It has always been an issue that man and a woman should be joined together. But this is the modern age and I am a man, I see two women with their approval of me watching them going at it. It is definitely fine with me if they are two women having sex with each other. So why is it in my eyes wrong if two men are at it with each other. I do not wish to watch a man and a man, but I have to be none judgemental because it's their freedom of choice to be with women & women or man and man. The problem with that in todays societies is they are still treated unequal regarding to marriagetual statics. But I again going to have to yell out wake up Americans, this is the 21st century and it should not have any discrimination against any kind of marriagetal statics. All marriage people should be treated equally as marriage couple or couples. Mormons should have the right to marry more than one woman if they can afford to take good care of their woman or women, in this age. I see no wrong to one man and two, three, or more woman as long as the entire party is able to support the happiness of their families. I also do not see it wrong towards one woman marrying two, three or more men. Or it is not wrong for two women to marry two men, a party of four. As long as the marry couples do not by any means push their beliefs on anyone else.
Get real King Solomon in the Old Testament in the Holy Bible and King David had many wives and concubines. As far as I understand it should not be illegal as long as the people who are involve does not infect harm to each other or anyone else outside the parties.
If a person who is married would like to pursue other sexual relaltionship with partners outside the marriage. Then he or she is responsible to let people in the marriage be inform, so there will be no misunderstandments. If a person has diseases they are responsible to let anyone person understand that they have certain viruses, and may need protection before pursueing sexual appitate.
In order for a marriage to work there must be guidelines and rules to be followed. No marriage is a singe person way. Marriage consists of a unit in order for it to work at it best. A unit is broken when individual takes marriage matters into their own hands and see their views are benefitual to themselves only.
I believed it is righteously fair to explain in full detail to your potential marriage partner or partners what you are getting them into. That's the only way I see that can get honesty out of people. But for certain people usually hide things which they don't want others to know. Is it fair? Of course not! But people do it anyways. But at least if you laid the foundation, marriage couples may decide to explain in full detail to their future mate or mates issue concerning their marriage. It's definitely better to have guidelines , then no guidelines.
If a marriage mate explain he or she needs more than one sexual partners, you will understand what your getting yourself into. So it will not be a single couple marriage. It would be a single marriage with extra sexual partners on the side shows. Which is a problem if one of the marriage couples disagree with multi couples. On the other hand both marriage couples may agree into having extra sexual appetite on the side to save their marriage instead of not exploring ways to keep their marriage intack.
What I know about people; "not all " tends to keep their knowledge or wht they know toward themselves. Some people are just unwilling for whatever reason to share their knowledge. For when they learn from their won mistake, they do not wish to teach others not to make the exact same mistakes, for as though they wish the person to fail as they have failed. Which isn't a good reason not to teach people to not fail. It is definitely a blessing to learn from other peoples failure to not make the same mistakes and succeed. But in the world the game of life isn't always played by righteous rules. The Rules of the game of life is like dark matter, an unknown substancein the game.
One just has to keep turning towards and seeking those who are willing to help with no string attach. Because most people who help expect something in return, especially those who are seeking friends to fill in the void of emptiness. Those people are lonely in the world of uncertainty. And people who look for friends in that way, are not always going to find what they are looking for. For those kinds of people usually get used 95% of the time, when looking for friends to fill in the empty void.
Do not get upset when people do not accomplish what task you set them out to do. Since at times you yourself may not fully explain in simple details what you ask of the other person to do. Since people tend to misunderstand others 50% of the time. It is entirely up to your own cleaver intellect to explain in simple but clear terms what you want that person to do. And if you pay righteously 95% of the time it will be done, correctly depends on your communication skill. Getting a clear and decisive message across the table is the most important task. And the rest you would have to leave it in the hands of the receiver. If the receiver isn't a good catcher he/she will not be able to hold on to the ball very long. And 25% of the time he/she will be unable to carry out the task. That's when you must call it quit and find a good receiver, especially those who have handle many difficult task. The more difficult the task is, the more it is your responsibilities to be sure that the person is paid fair wages. But never over pay, or else the worker will slack off and may do a terrible job, even though he is an expert marksman. Never pay in full until the job is on it's way correctly. Pay all wages when job is done correctly. When the job is done wrong, pay partly wages but direct them correctly on right path. If worker can not follow your instruction you may have to find a new worker to finish the job. You can not keep a worker who isn't an asset. You only can keep those who are doing a right job, not those who are costing you money and produce no result.
But sometimes you may have extra money and feel generous and wish to train or re-educate the employee. So he/she will be able to be hire by other employers in the future. Because everyone needs a break and a helping hand from time to time. We all have love ones and bills to take care of.
Good listeners are usually not the best workers. Because you can be the best listener, but you may not have the strength to carry three boxes of products to move around at once. Sometimes seeing the way things are done with the advantages of strength can be an asset to your business. Good listeners are usually good at other things, like clerk positions, which will be an asset if they are educated in filling out the proper paper work for the business.
No person is ever useless, you as an employer need to figure out what positions are best suited for individuals with different talents.
I used to not value life or even my own life, until I realized that I can accomplish or do something good on Earth. Since I been doing so much evil, for my teenage years. In my twenties I realized that people need direction and hope in this unforgiven world of so much hardship. I do not know for certain that your life is filled with hardship. But I was raised into a world of daily hardship. Your life and where you come from may be so spoiled that you may not understand what it means to struggle to put food on the families table from day to day.
Or you may have the luxury of being clothed and all kinds of toys which have spoiled your behavior. And never understood how it feels like living as a young adult as children in your teenage years. I am not saying that you're lucky that your life have never had to worry about necessities in life. What I am saying is you are too spoiled and take life and your luxury living for granted. You understand people would simply kill to be in your shoes.
So don't give me that crape, that life is hard to endure in your shoes. When you are wealthy you have time for lots of good things to accomplish in this world. When you're in poverty, most worries are about food, rent, bills around the house. Which becomes very burdensome.
But I have to admit living in poverty have made me stronger mentally then the average person. And my expections have sky bound into uncharted territories. Now I must carry out my task in every single thing I do. Seconds, minutes, hourly each day to accomplish the daily tasks of each waking morning.
When you yourself is able to live life freely without the worries of necessities, life becomes more smooth sailing, meaning your mind will be freely able to master other goals that you set out to do. You can get back to getting a higher education if you do not have to worry about paying the house bills. You can become a more creative person if you have not the need to worrying about if you have the funds to purchase the supplies to create the creative products. Yes it is definitely a burden when you can't afford to purchase supplies to work with. But if you have knowledge and smarts you will be able to work with very little and produce a very large bundle. That's only if you're a very educated and crafty person. Not all people have enough common sense to even visualize this route of passage. People tend to see a dead end as the end of one's journey. I tend to see a dead END as an opportunity to reverse and take a different route. I see opportunity where others see none, I see hope when people see despair, I see dreams when people see brokenness. What you see is what is offer to you in life, what you don't see is unseen hope that can be visions.
Open your eyes and see that the world is filled with kind people who is also forgiving. Those who take people's kindnesses for weakness, simple do not appreciate others. They are the ones who are truly blinded by their own weakness by seeing things wrongly. Kindness is strength in actual reality. Who do you see have more mental strength than those who are understanding and forgiving and kind? The weak person is those who take kindness for weakness, since they never were properly taught right, they should not be held accountable for their misinterpretation of actual facts.
The world is filled with millions if not billions of problems. And everyday there are those who are willing to analyze and re- analyze these Earthly problems to find solutions. Problems arise from all aspects of human life and none human activities. All problems are mind bolgaling to the mental state of humanity.
I do not understand why human hungre is still one of the most worst problem amongst the human race in the 21st century. I do understand and know for certain that the world does contain enough food to feed the entire planet every single day of the next decade. But then why is there still hungre in this world? That is a question which I myself can not even truly answer because the way humans tend to act in the 21st century. We humans are the cause of human hungre, not to blame any other species, for they only know how to survive in this harsh human dominated world. We Americans I hate to admit, but I see Americans waste food all or every single day. I do not understand why cook so much food when you are going to dump it away.
Example, the prison cooks for six thousand prisoners, but decides to cook for nine thousand prisoners. Why isn't this extra two thousand servings of food is not given to destinations where human hungre truly exist? Beside the fact that the prison throws away food that they do not serve. This is a waste and an insult to countries where there is true hungre. Even the homeless in the United States can benefit from this extra servings of food. Homeless people and mentally ill people are coming to prison because they have no food and are unable to care for themselves.
I do not understand why prisons are housing mentally ill people. There are mental hospitals that can care for these people. I do not want to go to a mental hospital but the prison considers me mentally ill. I have the understanding to take good care of myself, so I do not even understand how in the hell the prison labelled me mentally ill. There are people with true mental illness that truly need to be care for and no way in hell they belong in prison. I belong in prison because I understand my crime and by all means I will do my time.
Time does not exist in actual space, for space has no time frame or shape. The reason why Earthlings set time is to measure our own existence. For we measure yearly because of the revolving Earth around the sun 3651/4 days in a year. Which is as the most accurate measurement known, this measurement was circulated by those who were Ancient (our Ancestors). Which in terms means people of Old were actually very intelligent. In the impossible realm of reality time can and has to also exist. For that impossibility to have occured space would have to have a begginning. Which is very very unlikely, space does not have to have a beginning; since space was always there in the first place. It's hard to understand, here in plain English space have always been there; so how can it self been created. When it have always been in existence.
When people make honest mistakes, I let them know. Because they are making the mistakes on me, if they made it on someone else I would have to keep my mouth shut. But if they kept on making the same mistakes over and over again, I may have to just let it be. Since they kept on paying or giving extra change every time they analyze their math. That's their fault for being stubborn and not mathematically be able to circulate well. There is no one to blame but their own incompetents.
Mathematically time has to exist, in order for time travel to exist. Enstiens theory faster then speed of light you are traveling through time. In actual reality there is something in that vaccums faster then light. The Black Hole let light not escape, so basically Enstiens theory means this light is moving within time; it can be future, past, or present. If you can build a machine that can with stand the forces of a black hole, you are going to move backwards or forward in time. There is always a flaw in every theory, which is why it's a theory and not yet proven fact or fiction. In order for it to even be consider a theory there must be math or good idea's to back it up.
Can you imagined if everyone had a time machine, time as we know it would be k-ottic. Because past, future, present would all exist at once, because it would all have kept on changing. Then this would arised the fact of multiple Universes, which has it's law and seem so precisely accurate in the universe why should a law of order not exist in a multiple Universe. Everything seems to somehow co-exist with order!
With a deck of 52 cards, I have somehow figure out to create my own mathematical language. Which I am the only one who understand, it helps me do my math and analyze formula's quicker. If I set out cards and kept on re-arranging them, you may think I am mad but there is a purpose to my madness.
Fifty two cards is deadly, I called it a game of chance. It depends on the card games you play, and the percentage of luck will fluxuate depending on the game of chance.
If you have five hundred bucks at a blackjack table. And sat there half day and won three hundred bucks, if you don't leave. Your chances of losing it back will increase, since you already had the cards of luck your way. So at the end you may leave with nothing, since you did not understand when to pick your chips up and leave. So I advised you not to sit at a Black Jack table all day and lose all your income. Besides the house 85% of the time always wins. So test your luck at 15% of the time you may luckily win.
But let me tell you if you play poker as in Texas Hold Em well. You will be on top at least 85% of the time, since lots of people think they know how to play; but actually are trucks at the game of poker. Yes at first it will cost you lots and I mean lots of money for many many years to master this game. Even myself am always picking up new tricks or moves from time to time.
I am not the greatest poker player, but I am dam good at this **cken game called Texas Hold Em. I been playing this game for over one decade, and it's really hard to match my skills. Unless you are a true poker player, I change my game anytime I wish. So the players will not anticipate my next or every move. It's difficult to keep up with me because I bluff 99% of the time. And that 1% will break you for all your money on your side of the table. Then you would have to ask here's some more money; please more chips; for what?; for me to win again.
I believe in the Universe that there are homo sapiens on other planets like us. But the only difference is that they are all colors of the rainbow. A multi color race of superiors amongst space. I also believed that homo sapiens are already populating our multiple Universe already. Yes I am just playing with you, but I do know for a fact that there is a more or equal intellectual species in the Universe. Chances are 99.99% good that life exist in other planets amongst the cosmo's.
I have to admit I am kinda a sore loser, I do not show it. But I hate losing at card games, but I have to accept losing as a factor in playing any game of chance. Winning on the other hand makes your comfort level a bit highly and yes it feels relaxing knowing you have insurance. I also don't show how pleased I am when I win. I do every thing possible to not let my opponents read my facial expressions, for they will quickly used it against me. You have to understand the game of cards, your moments tell more about what you have in your hand, then the numbers on the card itself. People's actions speak louder then actual words. So be careful what you say or body movements at the card table. Because number one rule, there are sharks in an infested blood thirsty waters.
The foundation of the world wasn't laid out for you to destory. It was laid out to produce somewhere down the line an intellectual species like ourselves and it have accompish this task. Now it's up to us to figure out where we belong in an uncertain world.
As individuals we each have choices where we choose which places we belong. There is guidelines if follow correctly you may live to be a very old person. If lived recklessly your life may be just short spand of time. The choice is yours, to get educated and understand the risk you take in each situation in life, or be a dummy and live life carelessly and most likely end it before your in you're twenties.
But don't get me wrong, some live recklessly and fortunately life's blessings granted them a full life. That's only if the game of chance is in your favor. 95% of the time the game of chance is not in your favor. So live your life how you please.
Let me tell you a little or alot about myself. Yes I am a 9th grade drop out but life luckily let me get my G.E.D. in 1996 at age 17 teen. Went to Heald Business College for approximately 9 months. Was a straight A college student, but unfortunately got arrested during my college year at the age of 19 teen. And doing fime ever since I can even remember the simplest things in the streets.
Most of the advance education which I have accumulate throughout my life is from experience or self education. At times a piece of graduation diploma doesn't truly explain your true education wisdom. As in my shoes it does not explain my full potential as a teacher amongst teachers. Yes, I do teach read more of my writings and you also may learn more about me or about life. Or you may just enjoy the works of a creative person and purchase my artworks, for my works of art tells another side of my life's story.
In other words I do hope or what in good well that you have enjoy or benefited from this writing. And in the future think twice and only need to act once and your choices in life will be reasonable.
I thank you my fans for purchasing something that you may gain the tools to give others a helping hand when they are in despair. My writings should be a curse to those who wishes ill will towards fellow peers.
My writings are not intended to divide nations amongst nation, but to opens the eyes of peoples of all walks of life. And to educate the people to have a heart and preserve this planet for our childrens childrens childrens. At the moment we only have one rock, so please take good care of Mother Earth or Father Earth. Once he/she is gone it will be gone FOREVER.
ACKNOWLEDGMENT
This work is dedicated to the Most High Providence.
The strength of a man is in the hand of the Supreme Judge.
The will of one man is just an sacrificing offering to his Creator.
PUSHING FORWARD
By: Vuong Van Nguyen
Copy Right 2010
SPECIAL THANKS
I want to thank my family for their support and love.
I am also thanking all those who are spending
their time on reading this book..
TABLE OF CONTENTS Page
Chapter One ----------Looking Back -------------------------------------------------------> 1
Chapter Two ---------Middle Ground ----------------------------------------------------> 28
Chapter Three -----Moving Ahead ------------------------------------------------------> 40
Chapter 1 Looking Back
I been looking backwards most of my life, and I need to look forward more often. It's difficult to move forward when you have so much baggage in the past. I look backwards often because there are just so many memories.
I look forward because I do not like to face the past. But sooner or later I will eventually end up with the past catching up with me. I may have to look in the past in order to look forward.
When I look in the past there are just so many memories which need to be delt with. And it does not mean it can be figure out right away. All in time I must find ways to move forward.
There are times I would like to give up looking forward, because the past just keeps on poping up. And there just have to be something better then what I am experiencing now. Unfortunately everything just usually catch up with you. Good things and bad things will pop up no matter how often you would like it not to.
No matter how badly I would like to look forward. It just seems I am always looking back in the past. I guess the past can teach us a lot about ourselves. It's possible to learn a lot about our past, but it can also cause confusing facts about our past and present.
When I was a teenager I often do things without thinking twice. When ever I wanted to do something I just did it. Often it was the wrong thing I choose to do.
I been to juvenile hall over twenty times, often for small crimes. Which they often let me go when my parents and brother picked me up from juvenile hall. I was lucky to have caring parents which was kind to get me home. Sometimes it got really confusing while growing up in California, when you grow up with friends who often get into trouble. When I get into trouble when I was around 13 years old. I often am afraid to face my parents. Because I didn't want them to think that I was a bad person. The first time I got arrested and sent to juvenile hall, I had to call my parents up, to pick me up and they were kind enough to get me out of juvenile hall. Juvenile hall wasn't that much of a difficult place, but it stressed me out because I did not really knew the people or other juvenile there. There wasn't many Asians lock up in Sacramento juvenile hall. The longest I stayed in juvenile hall was around two to three months. It became stressful because I had a very small understanding about that place. Once I comprehinded where and why things work the way it did, the rest of my teenage years in juvenile went by fast. This is before I turn 18teen.
The way I grew up in my teens, I knew I was going to end up dead or get sentence into prison. And I was right, I ended up in prison for 26 years. I did not understand that I could aviod prison time because I didn't look back. I just went forward, but now a days I realized if I just thought a little more, I may have avioded prison. When I grow up most of the things I learn, I had to experience it on my own. Once I got half a year sentence to the Boys Ranch I finally understood that I do not have to spend the rest of my life in prison if I just would have thought a little more. But I guess I wasn't mature much and kind up mess up. But I did not throw my entire life away. But I throw a big portion of my life.
In order for me to move forward, I needed to find a way to change my behavior. But it wasn't easy, so I decided when I was eighteen to stop myself from doing anything stupid. But I ended up in the county jail for a charge .... attempted murder. Which eventually change my entire life. One big mistake can and will affect a person life. But now it is kind of late to do things differently. So I had to do my time in prison. It's difficult to move forward in prison. But it can be done. It's difficult or it can be difficult to change the way one acts. It's not hopeless, I just need time and a lot of understanding. I basically all these years trying or doing thing that is not against the law. Basically finding ways or learning and making changes to aviod mistakes that can ruin what little life there is left.
When I grew up around 1990 thru 1996, yes it was difficult to find the right kind of guidance. There were guidance but I did not truly get the full understanding until I was in prison. Now I get the hint that it is defernately better to hang around people who doesn't use drugs or break the law. I had no role models when I grow up. So it took me years to figure out my own meaning of life. When I was a teen, living this kind of life style I had envision my life would end in my teenage year. Friends who was around my age died or die so often that I got so sad that I couldn't even shead any more tears. Maybe because I was around death so often.
I grew up going to five different high schools. And going to this many high schools, I had to get used to these different environments. Some schools I didn't do well because of getting expel or kick out of that school. I did well in Texas when I went to Thomas Jefferson High School. But finally I got my G.E.D. when I was eighteen at the Sacramento Boys Ranch. I have not recieve my Diploma but if I get around 30 credits I can get my Diploma. I already took all the high school equvilacy test.
Somehow I ended up going to college for nine months. All I needed was nine more months to receive my AA in Accounting if I finish the last nine months. Unfortunately I got arrested for this crime that is why I couldn't move forward with my Accounting Degree.
Somehow along down the line I ended up getting more education. Around 2001 and 2002 I went to a vocational trade and got my Diploma in Computer Class. I receive lot of units and completed the entire cirriculum and dress up and receive graduation paper work. At least I had accomplish something while I was in prison. It was nothing too special to talk about. But it was a step in moving forward. I like the computer class but it brought back memories that been hidden for years before I was in prison. The computer class living up my mood and it was a positive moment that give me hope that if I was release out of prison, that there is a chance that I can make it in the streets.
Before I got lock-up as an adult, there must of been signs to show me that this was a bad path I was headed for. Unfortunatly I wasn't wise enough to catch all the sign.
When I look back into the past now, at age 32, I can see so many ways to not get into trouble. I ask myself somehow I could have been so blind. I was just so blind to see things for what they really were. I could have enough sense to ssee where things was headed. How is it so possible that I did not take the correct direction to stay out of trouble. How stupid it feels at age 32, to look back 13 or 14 years in prison to finally realize I had the chance or could of prevent what I did to come into prison. The past sucks. When you realize that things could be prevented and there was just no reason for the things that happen.
From the age of 13 thru 17 teen, I did not receive good grades at school often. I had straight f's in 7th grade, but somehow I had to learn how to get better grades. So I achieve my GED, then apply for college. And somehow I learn how to move forward, and get good grades. Was a 4.0 student at Heald Business College. Some kind of computer business school. All the people I meet were really kind and business oriented people. Every one had to dress up for school every day professionally. And everyone I meet had good manners.
Somehow I moved forward in college, or I thought I did. Until January 15th of 1997, I got arrested for attempted murder. So now my life stop from moving forward and then it seems I have been looking BACKWARDS FOR OVER ONE DECADE.I ALSO LOOK FORWARD FOR OVER A DECADE, SO BASICALLY I WAS LOOKING FORWARD AND BACKWARDS IN PRISON.
Once I was arrested I lost so much hope of ever getting out again. Now it feels like there was no point of living. And my sky blue days turn dark and gray. Things just started not to make any sense no more. Now I had to find a reason to live and to move forward. Now I also understand tha tI didn't need to use drug anymore, so my mind was starting to get better, and my health also got better.
Sometimes certain individual rather see me behind, like they would rather have me stop or not progressing. Or sometimes they would rather have me following in their footsteps. But I have learn in prison that life is a very difficult place. And it's up to that person seeing the world in a new light. There are many ways of seeing the world, it's up to what mood you're in. Which is good to have different moods, so you will be able to experience different feelings. But it is not wise to always be in a sad mood, which can make your days or many days sad and gloomy. I guess it's good to be in a happy mood, but then there are certain people who does not want you to be happy. So they want you to have a shitty mood like them.
Today June 8, 2010 it seems as though I am not feeling so good. Man, life just have too many rollercoasters. Felt like I am outta place and finding my place is difficult to handle. So I spent most of the day sleeping, I guess I am a bit depress. I brought two ounces of coffee for three dollars which I shared with a few friends that live in the same dorm as I did. This pick us up a little and made the day a bit better. It's difficult to find people with coffee in this wing or unit. I guess I am glad this day is about to be over. And hopefully tomorrow will be a better day. All I can do is push forward.
In 1998 I was convicted of attempted murder 2nd degree, and got sentence for 26 years. Once I got back from sentencing day, I decided to drink one bottle of ibprofin and a few boxes of cold tablets. I just didn't feel like living anymore. But somehow I did not die and I throw up all the medicine. It was a very difficult time for me to move forward. I stress so much that I continue to stress for 7 to 10 years. It was a very difficult time in my life. Things were very hard and adjusting to new prisons was difficult for me. Life in prison is not simple as people may think so.
Sometimes people don't get the hint, that they should move on and not hold me back. Just because I am really a none complaining person. Why do they wish to do things to me that I do not like? I tell them not to f*** with me and stop standing in my way. But they continue to do stupid things to me. And eventually I may blow up. And do things which I do not like, but sometimes I may need to do things that is aweful to let them get the hint. Or else fight and get things delt with. I do not wish for problems. But I do not wish to be held back for no good reason. I guess that is what I get for being too kind to peopole and open doors for them. Life is just f****-up sometimes. Because people will and can take your kindness for weakness. Plus I am very tired of getting into trouble because trouble is not on my mind, that is kids stuff. And now I'm an adult and acting like a kid is not for me. I been through a lot of shit. And I know I can blow up if this shit does not stop. It's hard to keep yourself from blowing up. I let little things go, but if it kept on doing the same shit, it gets on my nerves and I can explode and do something real stupid. I just do not understand why a person keeps putting their face all up in my face for a lot of time. Get your f***** face out of my face. Sometimes I can do really stupid shit. Why bother me when you know I don't like that shit. I express how I feel and you continue to do this stupid shit. Eventually I will explode if this shit does not stop. But somehow I need to say what I need to say. But I had already told him what I feel. I just don't like that shit. People always think they know you. And then they become ***holes. No wonder why I stay away from lot of people. These people can be selfish, meaning only think about their own happiness, and not about the happiness of others. Plus I am in DMH, I am trying to recover from my mental illness. Slowly it's working but certain individuals always find ways to get me frustrated. This is what this ***hole did, poked me in the face while I am sleeping. Grabbed my sheets and threw carrots on me while I am resting. I let it go, I told him this shit was not cool. Some people do not get the hit that I am arrested for attempted murder, leave me a lone. Do not you value your life and understand I am valuing my life, because I want to do good and get out of prison. Because I don't like to be in prison. How selfish can people get, just because you think your way is the right way. Does not mean that you should walk all over another person. And you only have three years left, I advise you to do your time and just go home. Unless you are tempting people to do sometime to you. Do not think that you are strong or powerful. Just because you're not a lifer it doesn't mean you should inflict damage to another person, I guess I am just piss off and needed to blow some steam off. The more kind I get, the more I I get used.
In order to continue to push forward, I need to put my anger in check, even if I don't wish. I know there is always a solution that is good, instead of a bad solution. Why must I always try to satisfy or make sure that I don't harm people, I usually just satisfy other peoples need, more then my own. I need to learn or understand how to satisfy my own needs also. Life is a learning lesson, so the more I understand about myself as an individual I can find way to satisfy my own needs. It seem no matter what I will be around good people and bad people. I must understand how to deal with this. I need to learn how to stay away from people who wishes me harm. Maybe if I stayed away from them, I may get less hasrm. I would like or prefer to stay in the company of good people. No matter what there will be all kinds of people everywhere.
It's difficult to push forward, when a person has some sort of a mental illness. I been having some sort of mental illness, for or around five years now. I guess my body and mind aren't working so good.
I wonder how I am going to manage these few years I have. Five or six years I have left. I understand I am not fully healed. I just wonder am I going to have this many health problems. Or I am going to have major problems in the future. I guess it's a little relief to write down things that is holding me back.
I still have hope that I can still have a good life when I get out of prison. All these years and places that I been traveling to different prison, that it seems that prison life have affected me so much. I just wonder when can I get a break, hopefully I get out that will be a break for me. Am I really asking so much, that in hopes of one day I will be realease.
It's simple to move forward, when you don't have hundred of friends. Because most of the friends I have at California Men's Colony they are about 80% going home within a year. Most people come and go, the few that stay they know me well. So when I go back to cmc, on d-quad I will have 15% of the people or friends who are still there. I also understand people come and go no matter where you're at. But first I have to find a way to fix myself, to become a more functional person. I need to get my head fix. I have been thinking more then ever, but the problem is my thoughts and mind are not working justly. Now I have met so many different people, and most people act like they have mental problem and I am one of those people.
It's difficult to move forward, when your own mind isn't functioning correctly. Right now I am or am at the right of mind a bit alright. But sooner or later I have to or hopefully I will be able to gather all the energy to continue pushing forward.
In hopes of a better tomorrow just hope that my own mind will tell my body to wake up and function in a better mood. Waking up to a bad mood or just one bad or many bad morning can make me very depressed. I don't know what it is with my problem but hopefully I will find a way to cope with these mental problems.
This year I have so many mental problem that have hold me back from the main line. Fortunately my mind got a bit better. Holpefully this next four months I will be recovered and able to make or do a good program.
All these medication the mta and doc are giving me, I do not truly understand if its helping me or not. My mind in August or September in 2009 got very confused when I was on abilify. But I was doing good, then suddenly I hit rock bottom again. And somehow my mind got fixed in January 2010. I guess or think the medication that I am on now is helping. But my health doesn't seem to be at its fullest function. When I have coffee I function real better. At lease I do all I can, and will continue to do all I can. but drinking too much coffee will hold me backwards. Because I am abusing the coffee, so I cut back as much as I can. This unit a3 doesn't let us buy coffee, but there is always a way to purchase coffee, if an inmate really wanted some.
It seems like I have been moving backwards so often that I need to conclude and find ways to move forward. Or else I just need to confront my pass and leave it to rest and move forward. It just that I have so lmany problems and if life can just somehow trurn to the good, then I will be able to move in the correct direction. But for now I need to stress less and mentally be at peace with this mental illness. Its have to have a way in getting better. Life isn't all gravy and sunshine around the corner. Life can become a bit too much to handle. If ones continue to lay layers of self inner person. So wake up and deal with problems that you can handle. And stop creating thousands of new problems. Which you will not be able to handle. It's good to expect a lot of yourself, but truthfully you are making more problems for yourself. And it can become a real big problem if you continue on this road.
A THOUSAND THANKS IS NOT ENOUGH
This edition is for and in the greatest honor to my Dad.
Dad was absolutely a righteous man. From the first time I had
knowledge of the world to the last time Dad passed away, he
was a magnificent man. All the works that Dad put his hands
into, he prospered. Hardwork, humility, kindness, love and
justice are his charcteristics. I continuely thank you Dad and
pray that I may be half a decent person as you were.
I am not saying to myself that I should give up hope or dreams. I am saying don't pick up too many problems. Or else you may end up overloading or polluting your mind. And fixing your own mind can be a real challenge. It seems just so unreal that I lost my mind recently on August 2009-thru January 2010. But I still have bits and pockets of problems. Finding the problem areas are or can become tricky and a headache when you find them.
Lately I tried to move forward, but new problems arise. This life is or becomes very unwelcoming. Sometimes it just feel like I should give up or call it quits. But some how I find little pockets of energy to move forward.
When I look back at my teenage years, how come I did not get the hint in high school that this is the wrong road I'm going. There were so many signs that I did not pick up. But unfortunately I was not thinking right. Meaning I was not educate enough or was not afraid of getting arrested as a teenage. But now I know or am PAYING THE HARD WAY, HARD HEAD, HARD LIFE. Now I understand even if I have to sleep under a bridge then go back to prison. I have to live under that bridge. But I know I can live a half way house. Or my family let me live with them until I get my own place. This prison life is not a life, it's like a dead end with no ending. Prison is also like being trap in a black hole, getting stuck here is no fun. I am teaching myself how to be prepare for the streets. I understand life is not over and I do have one more shot at the streets, I better not mess up, because this may be my last shot.
Chapter Two
MIDDLE GROUND
At the moment I am stuck in middle ground. It feels like I can't find more then a few ways to move forward.
I accept what life gives me at this moment. I feel at ease that I have had a lot of visits while I'm in the department of mental health. This is the most visit I haave had in one year. I hope I said and shared kind words to my Brother Bryan from face to face. Because I may be leaving dmh in september or october. Yes, I was glad to see Bryan face to face. And hopefully I and Him can move forward. I am very lucky to have caring Brothers.
I am at a point in life that just nything can happen. Meaning I better check myself a lot before I may lose my life to prison life. Plus I am only half a decade away with some change to becoming release. I can not lose my mind, hopefully I'll be alright and make no mistakes.
Middle ground is not bad or good, it's just a point where I have to wake up. It's time to do or get the right dinds of medication to function correctly. Or learn something from these groups to become a good benefit. Learn how to take care of your own life. Staying healthy but it just seems like no matter what I do I am kind of in bad health, because I sleep over twelve hours each day. And that is not healthy, I must learn or stay awake more, or I should find away to sleep nine hours a day to be moore healthier. Sleep is a big problem for me. When my sleep is wrong or off, I can not function with a clear and right mind. It can be stressful to not be able to wake up in the morning.
It would be better just to have a magic pill, but it does not work like that. And sometimes the doctor prescribe the wrong medication with lots of side effects. Finally they are lowering the meds that they are giving me.
My mind is still working, and finding a middle ground can or is a headache.
I need to find some kind of middle ground, in order for things to work better. It's good if one trys to work at their own health to get better and move on and find a good place to become healthier. If one doesn't improve their own mental state of mind, then it maybe difficult to find some kid of middle ground.
Lose your old ways and find a better place. Check or put your past in check or put your past in ckeck and maybe you can be in the presence. No one wishes to be stuck in the past. Make peace with so much hated which lies in the past. You may find your self at a comfortable place, but if you are still not ready to move on. Then you should go back and look backs to see all the past problems. The problems in the past can and will be a burden. People wusually always have a lot of baggages which they mentally will carry with them.
Just sit back and think of all the ways you can find middle ground. Just leave your past behind, it sound simple, but it isn't. If you don't solve your past problems and leave it there away, you may end up with bigger problems. You can find middle ground with people, if the other person isn't overwhelming to use you. When people get used, people tend to stay away fromt he user. Or else they will move on and call it quits. Sometimes you can not make friends with those who are controlling. Y
You can set it into place with your wife or girlfriend. You will find middle ground at 50/50. But do not over step or under step your boundries. Or else you may head for divorce court if things don't go right. Divorce court will become a headache and much problems to handle with. It's better to fill out the paper work and start out new, it's better to start new then be stuck in the past. But it's up to you to ensure that your divorce goes well.
I have learn some skills which I can continue to proceed when the time is right. Like I have a vocational trade diploma and I can type and know how to operate windows on the computer. That's if I get a job working with computers. I can also paint, but I am too broke to purchase the supplies. But this prison doen't let us order paint supplies. I kind of feel good, from having this break from painting so much. but I guess I am kind of addicted to paint, that if I get the right supplies. But I am finde with middle ground. I tend to remind myself that I'm free in five and half of year. So I will not do something stupid, which may ruin the rest of my entire life. What I need to do is taking care of myself. And it have been difficult. I feel like a child all over again. Learning or reminding myself on cleaning myself up. And other things like waking up in the moring for breakfast.
If you understand what you want in life, then life will be easier. And if you are in good health and healthy mind you will progress better. If you don't see where you're headed life can or will become foggy. If you don't understand what you want in life. Then you need to find out what you do want.
When you fully understand what you do want in life. Life can or will become more convenience. Because you have goals to be completed. And the things you intend to accomoplish you will be able to start or do things that eventually comoplete step towards the goal.
When you do not fully know how to set up or organized your goals. It will be more difficult to even complete a set into the correct direction. It's always better to complete your goals, because it can make you feel good. Which will lift up your Spirit.
Sometimes I find myself finding middle ground. But I usually do not stay there much long. My mind tends to keep drafting so I often lose myself. But it sure feels good at middle ground. I stay in middle ground as longest that I can. But then it usually wash away, then I end up looking back or forward.
The things one does to find themself can be amazing. And when they do find themselves, they tend to say there must be more. People just don't get it, and it's just simple or difficult to explain. Just put it like this there's always something new to find out about yourself!
Life is like a ciRcle, which is not a perfect circle. Because the circle tends to always break. Even if it is 360* it never is perfect. It seems like it's perfect but nothing is perfect and life isn't as gravy with toppings only.
Even if one sits on Middle Ground for five or more years, things will eventually change. But it will sure feel good to be in that mode. No matter what there will always be up and downs. Life is a roller coaster and there will be lots of good times along with bad times in all areas of living.
Sometimes it's good to live in the past, because you can analzye the way you been living. You could also take the good times and be safe to continue being or feeling good at the safe spot. but if you live and remember the sad times, you can learn a lot. Or you can stay away from things that put you at horrible moments in life. No one actually wants to feel sad, they just are in sad moments and don't understand how to get out of it. And things will get very ugly if they continure to relive or live in this sad mood. It's better to get out of sad moods, if you have control of it. Not everyone is capable of getting out of sad zones. My own mood is kind of messup now. I can get into sad zones and get stuck there for a very long time. I do have the tools to get out of sad zones, but somehow I am unable to use my knowledge and get back to normal. Being normal isn't a very good explanation of myself. My life is just full of all kinds of stuff. I don't know how I even come up with the energy to move forward. I guess inner strength somehow gets out when one choose to fight with their life. In life there will be those who fight for their life and those who wishes to fight but doesn't know how to fight (mentally, spiritually, peacefully, or they are too weak to even consider fighting. It's sometimes good if you have a companion who helps you get on your feet and you help your companion to get on his or her feet.
One's mind can race toward all kinds of different places! It's hard to control what one is thinking of because the mind is so powerful that things always bounce around. It's best if one's mind doesn't play too many tricks. Because the mind does play lots of tricks especially if you're on drugs. And for sure certain people will stay away from drugs. Because they have already experienced some sort of brain damage, and learn their lesson from taking drugs. It's not good to get brain damage from drugs, so I advise you to never use drugs. Some people for the first time using drugs gets brain damage for the first time using drugs. Some peoples mind never recover from using drugs. And if you think that drugs is all fun and games, you better wake up because drugs will damage your brain for an entire life. Drugs make you do things that you won't do if you're not on drugs. You will never be on comfortable grounds if you're using drugs for years and years.
If one finds shakey ground, it's best to find solid ground or middle ground. But if you still don't find solid or middle ground, you should find any ground because it's best to find any ground better then shakey ground. Even if you get off shakey ground, only for a short period of time.
It's good to stay in middle ground. but there will alway be some kind of problems. It's best to stay in middle ground as long as you can. Try to avoid getting into trouble mentally. When you get a nervous break down it can occur at any time. When you do get a nervous breakdown, avoiding trouble can be difficult. It's that your're mentally disturb and it gets confusing.
Copyrights: For permission to copy, endorse, for education purposes, reprint, the stories, writings, books, artworks, etcs, you can
deal directly with the author in writing to :
Vuong Van Nguyen K-86302
A-340 cmf
P.o. Box 2000
Vacaville, CA 94565
Chapter 3
MOVING AHEAD
Moving ahead can be difficult if you have baggages in the past. In order to move forward one has to face their past. And learn from the past, to not make the same old mistakes over and over again.
It's hard to mvoe ahead when your CAPABILITIES become weaken. Like your health becomes more weaker as the year past by. Then you may have to do things differently to figure out what ways can help you to move ahead.
It would be difficult for a person who wishes to move ahead if they live in the past all so often. Some people feel safe in the past, but the past can damage a person if they kept on repeating sad things in the past. So they do things to try to escape the presence and the future. You have to not drown yourself in the past. In order to move forward.
Moving ahead can be difficult if you don't have support. When people support you, you become more stronger. Because there is help when you need it. But for the moment you have to set your PRIDE aside and welcome the HELP! Once you do better you may be able to support yourself.
Moving ahead can be difficult if you don't know how. That's why you must have an open mind and be willing to try something new. It feels safer when you do things a certain way so long. It can become difficult to try something new. But if you don't try how will you ever know if it's a good or bad idea, but I advise you not to do something stupid you can get the idea if you are are doing something stupid
Moving ahead from a life of crime. In my teens I got arrested for so many crimes that I spent a lot of time in juvenile hall. And now I am still paying time for breaking the law. But I have learn and have been in prison for over a decade. And have learn that crime isa a road to destruction. This road have no happy ending. I am now doing everything in my powere to get out of prison. Prison is not a life or a place where I want to stay. When you're young you tend not to think and just mis behave. But now as one gets older, one tends to think more often. Being in prison is just not the place to be.
Pushing yourself to move forward can be difficult also. Sometimes it takes a lot of energy to get to a place you want.
It's difficult to move forward when there's so many road blocks in your way. Somehow you have to slowly remove thsoe read blocks to continue forward. It might be too much revoing many road blocks and if you try to move too much, your effort may fail.
When you move ahead too quickly, you may end up crashing into a brick wall. Make sure you have your SAFETY BELT on. So be sure you have a back up plan. Because if you don't you may have a major breakdown. Things move quickly as you go through your life quickly. As for me I like my life to move by quick, but not super quick. I also enjoy life when it move by slow.
When you do move ahead, don't forget other people in life. Sometimes there are people who have impacted your life and help you move forward. If you become successful it's a good thing, if you don't forget others. Help yourself in order to help others. Some people do not even know how to even help themselves. Life can become difficult to handle, when you dont' know where to get the information to help yourself.
Sometimes you may not even have the energy to move forward. So you become stuck. but it feels awful when you do not have the tools to be able to help yourself.
If you move backwards, then it becomes hard to move forward. Because your moving in opposite direction.
Sometimes you must deal with your past, before you're able to move forward. The past can and will catch up with you, if you live long enought.
Looking back in the past, it seems as though I had an higher level of energy. Somehow I lost this energy starting late 2009 until now 2010. I am still feeling a lost of energy. Is it that I am getting older, is that why I am losing this energy/
If I am losing energy as I get older, I hate to be in my 40's in the future. I may lose more energy, as I keep on aging. And there is not stopping time!
When I get out of prison, I need to learn how to take care of me. Because I never had a job, I truly don't know how to apply for a job. I ahve waork inside a prison, but these jobs on't count. I have no experience of working in the outside world. But I do know anything is better then this place.
In order to move forward, I need to leave all my childish behavior behing. Because living in the past, doesn't feel all so good.
I also need to stay away from a lot of people, that I once know in the streets. Being around them, I may get into trouble. It is time that I live a righteous life instead of breaking the law. In order to feel good I need to stay out of prison, not going back.
Living life while your having a lot of health, and mental health issue, is kind of difficult when you are moving forward. It seems like all my good years was in the past. I was mentally stable and my mind was healthy once a time ago. I also keep my health in good shape. I exercise and ate healthy. Also took vitamines, and play a little sports.
Moving ahead may require you to put effort, and change your past thinking. If you keep on living in your past things will be difficult to change. Look at your past from now and then, but you need to move forward. And not let the past be a burden on you. As for myself I let the past eat at me so often, that it difficult for me to even tell if I am moving fowward or not.
Even if you move forward, your mind will automatically look back from time to time. It can also happen the other way around. You may live in the past but your mind will look ahaead to analyze things.
Life may look good in the outside. But some peoples insides are eating at them. My own life, things are eating at me inside and outside. Just doing what I need to do and hoping things won't be too bad.
For I do know and understand that holding to the past is sometimes good. But holding to the negative stuff in the past can create future problems. Moving ahead in the present and future can be good, if you know what you are doing. Some people hold onto the past for all the wrong reason. 8/5/10
Manna: one LORD, one faith, one baptism, one GOD and FATHER of all